During the last years I have started to work more as a therapist with people who suffer from the effects of structural dissociation. Structural dissociation develops because a person has experienced so much insecurity and powerlessness at a young age that the personality has became fragmented. Instead of experiencing the personality as a whole, the
This morning in the session with my therapist I came into contact with a very young part of me. I want to share this experience with you again, because these kind of experiences are universal. So it’s not just about my process, I hope it will inspire you and give you insights. The earliest memory
Together with two colleague trauma therapists we had decided to do ‘research’ into the effects of psilocybin, the active ingredient in the so-called magic mushrooms.Various scientific studies are currently underway into the effect of this substance in the treatment of depressive complaints, among other things, and one of these two colleagues is involved in an
Okay, I admit… Things aren’t going as well as I pretended. Last Saturday night in my last post I wrote about how well I’m doing. Much of that post is correct, but there are other dynamics working in the background. Now, four days later, something was still brewing. I’m still feeling it in my gut.
I’ve always been fascinated by this piece of moorland. Five kilometers from my new house and 10 kilometers from my old house. Until now I was always ‘passing through’ here by bike or while running. But now I have taken some time to let the peace and stillness of this place descend on me. In this
Since February I’m living in my new house with a lot of pleasure and gratitude. A lovely place to ground and rest. And an ideal place to retreat into silence. I have made a habit of walking an evening lap of about seven kilometers at the end of every day at a considerable pace. A
Last three days I spent in silence withdrawn inside to meet myself with everything that would came. As a part of these days I decided to undergo an session with some supporting substances. A good friend of mine who I trust completely, guided this session to hold space, protect the boundaries and took care for
When the inner child identity experience rejection, anger may appear. When the inner child identity experience abandonment, desper may arise.When the inner child identity feels unwanted, the exitential fear of separation can take over. This identity, this densified form of consciousness starts to fight for its survival. It resists, it struggles, it twists and turns, it
Our inner child is beautiful. It let us play in a truly innocent way. No drama, no manipulation and when nurtured by our mature mind it can be enlightening to feel the freedom of it. But when our inner child got wounded in the time we were a child ourselves it can behave like tiran.
This evening, my trauma system was trigged by something that came to my eyes. In a split second my mind was completely highjacked by negative beliefs and feelings and it pulled me directly into the trauma vortex. It was as if I changed into a little child of six years old, hopelessly reaching out for
If a human being has the flu, it can be a shock to the immune system. Some shocks may be too big, but most of them make us strong and create a healthy immune system. Now it looks like the world has the flu. The world is coughing, needs a break and is working on
After quite a while we’ve found each other. By inviting her to my place she had no doubt. It’s a bit strange but she reminds me from something long time ago.We know we have to get used to each other. But we both have the intention to have the patience to adapt in Love. I
When standing on your own feels overwhelming, When not knowing activates traumatic distress,When feelings and thoughts are dominated by insecurity,The wounded inner child shows up asking to be healed,But the child can grasp everything to stay in control,It can get wild, it can be numb, it can be withdrawn in fear,It can be chaotic, losing total
Today, I’ve followed the first day of the post-HBO ECT at CELEVT. ECT stands for Early Childhood Chronic Traumatization (chronic traumas contracted before the sixth year of life). The treatment of ECT requires a different approach than the treatment of traumas that occur later in life. A phase-oriented model has been developed for what has
This year is all about being completely faithful and honest to myself. No concessions, no smuggling. Instead, pronouncing myself, facing fears and not running away from them. Also during the past course block Heart & Sexuality there have been so many moments that I could ‘hide’, as I can do in trainings about (emotional) development.
A piece of personal experience to illustrate how childhood trauma can be caused by abuse, mistreatment or harassment. But also how it can heal in a therapeutic setting. A long time ago, around the age of eight, I did competition swimming. Every Monday-evening we had lessons in the swimming pool near our house, with the
A lot of assumptions are made in the land of trauma therapy. One of the assumptions, under pressure from the insurance companies, is that healing from trauma can happen faster and faster. Another is that all traumas are the same. I recently read in de newspaper that all traumas can be cured in one to
I’ve found out that when trauma has occurred in early childhood (0-7yrs), the dissociative symptoms can be elusive and can challenge me as a psychotrauma therapist, and as a human being, to extremes again and again. Figth, Flight and Freeze we all know, but the fourth “Fawning” is less well known, which as far as
As a psychotrauma therapist specialized in working with the consequences of narcissistic abuse, on a regular basis I’m meeting people who have been given the role of scapegoat in a dysfunctional family system. These are challenging and always very painful processes, because their suffering is immeasurably high. These people almost always have a fighting mentality,
It strikes me that the people who come into my practice often resist the diagnosis they have been given. They all agree; a diagnosis makes them sick. When I read reports of people who have resigned themselves to their diagnosis, it strikes me that they have adapted themselves to what the therapists want from them.