This year is all about being completely faithful and honest to myself. No concessions, no smuggling. Instead, pronouncing myself, facing fears and not running away from them.
Also during the past course block Heart & Sexuality there have been so many moments that I could ‘hide’, as I can do in trainings about (emotional) development. But I had planned that this time I would express myself in the group. Exactly where my biggest fear and shame lies.
I haven’t done it very often…
When I look back I can also look with compassion. The shame was just too big and it had to go at the pace I could.
But now I do…
Vibrating came into contact with the ‘hole’ in my early childhood, because my mother was not able to give me the love I needed as a child.
And what do I find out…
Even in the deepest, deepest pain there are points of light. And with the loving bed of the group I was able to enter the process for the first time in my life. Those pieces in me that were deeply dissociated were hidden away, because it was too overwhelming for me as a child to feel the feelings evoked by the circumstances.
And when the time is right…
Then angels will present themselves giving just the support they need. This also happened in the H&S group. Supported by the ‘men’ I could reach out to the ‘woman’ in the form of a representative who represented my grandmother’s place. I was able to fill the ‘hole’ in my youth with love. And thus pave the way for a coherent life story.
And if I may be so bold, it didn’t just go flat out to someone who plays my grandmother. That this was going to happen, resonated the day before. As if there was more, as if there was a greater support (if you start to find me floating, unfriend me, no hard feelings).
And this is also what happens in my sessions and groups…
When it resonates, when the time is there, when the energy is good, much more happens than what people do themselves. Then it happens on its own and everyone resonates with it. As if there is ‘help’.
What does this has to do with eating meat?
I’ve noticed for some time that ‘the magic happens when you are in tune’. And when are you in tune? When you choose light and not dark. If you choose salvation and not doom. When you let yourself be led by the pure, the pure, the good like loving kindness, compassion, generosity, equanimity, and not for desire, hate, ‘delusion’. If you allow yourself to be guided by intuitive spontaneity, and not by destructive impulsiveness. If you let yourself be led by wisdom and do not let yourself be tempted to choose the easiest way out of laziness. And if you also look at yourself with love and gentleness when this sometimes fails.
For me, eating meat is out of date. At least, as far as I’m concerned, the industry behind it is not right. When I eat meat, I know that I am partly to blame for the suffering that animals suffer in the meat industry. I used to smuggle chicken, but I realize that I can’t justify it to myself anymore.
Therefore, if I stay true to myself and take my own healing process and that of others I guide seriously, I can only eat vegan. So here’s to my commitment.
By the way, don’t feel addressed or attacked at all. Here I describe my own process and the conclusions I draw from it. I just want to invite you to be true to yourself.
And if you were true to yourself? Then what is
the first thing you’re gonna change in your life?